Hotel

Inebriated amidst the phosphorescence
An empty ghost who fed on bottled spirits
Lying and waiting, emotions in evanescence
Not a shadow, not a soul
The faded sound could not make him whole

A light in the distance
The warmth seemingly infinite
A haven for weary wraiths in reminiscence
Calls out a melody of sulky smile and sultry eyes
That a mortal may have recognised the apparition

Hungry for restoration
An empty ghost who acts in passion
What civilisation has deemed a transgression
It was a minute of satisfaction
But an eternity of damnation

The ritual for resurrection was consummated
A human, eyes reflecting the luminescence
Lying in the wake of turmoil unadulterated

Question: Review the video “Rethinking infidelity … a talk for anyone who has ever loved”, by Esther Perel

Review:
The poem entitled ‘Hotel’ describes the entire process of cheating and infidelity. Stanza one sets the stage as a club scene, where ‘phosphorescence’ and ‘faded sound’ is used to represent the setting of a club. I used the metaphor of ‘an empty ghost who fed on bottled spirits’ as a wordplay to continue building the setting of a person getting drunk on spirits.

Throughout this poem, you will see my references to two categories of entities – Ghost / Spirit / Wraith and Human / Mortal. I used the former to describe someone who feels empty inside as what Esther Perel mentions in her video, as one of the reasons for cheating. As for the latter, I used it as a metaphor for an individual who is deeply in love with his spouse as he is deemed to be ‘complete’ or have ‘everything back at home’ as how Esther describes it.

For the second stanza, the light in the distance represents not only the hotel where the infidelity is taking place but is also representative of the love, where the ‘warmth is seemingly infinite’, another reason cited by Esther for why men cheat which is because they want the attention and the love that they are not getting in their marriage. In the third line, I likened infidelity to ‘a haven for weary wraiths in reminiscence’, yet another reason cited by Esther for why men cheat which is because they want to have a taste of what they had before in the beginning of their relationships – the initial feeling of passion which had petered out through the years of marriage.

In the fourth line of the second stanza, I made a reference to the song ‘Family Man’, initially sung by Mike Oldfield and became popular when covered by Hall & Oates. In the song, it describes a lover tempting a ‘family man’ to cheat, and I felt that the reply by the family man in the song was very apt for a man committing infidelity. The lyrics are
“But he said, leave me alone, I’m a family man.
And my bark is worse than my bite…
…If you push me too far I just might.”
In her talk, Esther mentions that there are many ways of committing infidelity in today’s world where just the thought of it may be considered as cheating. I felt this song accurately represents that thought process. Also, in the fifth line, “A mortal may have recognised this apparition”, I likened the temptation to be so strong that it could have seduced a ‘mortal’ as well which in this context, refers to a man deeply in love with his spouse.

Stanza 3 describes the physical act of infidelity itself, where I likened a man wanting to have a taste of the initial passion or attention and love that he had with his wife and therefore committing infidelity to a ‘ghost’ hungry to be ‘restored’ to a ‘human being’.

The last stanza paints a scene in the hotel room in the aftermath of committing infidelity, through the words “luminescence” used to describe the soft hotel lights as well as “lying” as in both physically “lying” in the hotel bed and “lying” in turmoil. I use this stanza to describe how the ‘ghost’ has been ‘resurrected’ into a human being through the ‘ritual’ of infidelity. This is to draw parallels to what Esther mentions about the ‘good’ that arises from infidelity. Esther believes, rather controversially that good can preside from a man cheating on the other because it may result in more truthful discussions on how the marriage went wrong and what can be done about it and this may eventually lead to a more loving relationship. Therefore, I brought in the metaphors of the ghost and the human being in the last stanza, to the transformation of a man who initially felt empty, finding a ‘second marriage to the same person’ as Esther puts it and rekindles love and passion within the marriage even after infidelity has been committed.

I believe that what Esther was sharing was rather aberrant from how society views infidelity. Her thought leadership appears as one that is not guarded by the stereotypical feelings of how one should feel after being cheated on. But rather, she probes at reason behind the act of infidelity and how can people best rectify the relationship. She questions both the familiar feeling of betrayal and sadness from being cheated on but also questions the underlying reasons for such an occurrence and how there may be something good out of it. In a way, she marries the dichotomies of emotion and logic into an act of infidelity, deriving a solution from this act that has already been committed.

While I do see her logical standpoint, I do believe that she might be too optimistic in thinking that our logical side may be on equal parity or prevail against the emotional side during an act of infidelity. Personally, I believe in the sanctity of marriage and an act of infidelity would definitely ruin either parties. In the last line of the poem, it states “Lying in the wake of turmoil unadulterated”. This is a culmination of my own personal opinion of what Esther has talked about. I believe ‘turmoil’ is even an understatement of what things will be like after an act of infidelity. Here, I also used “unadulterated” to describe the turmoil faced. I applied irony here whereby the turmoil faced by someone who commits adultery is unadulterated. Overall, Esther does present certain thought-provoking points, I do not believe that there will be anything good that comes out of an act of infidelity, and even if there are, those are probably extremely rare.